I'm tired of lying in my bed Still feeling upset By how I still don't know how to read The lines in your forehead Thinking 'bout what you said And what else you could still be saying about me Or maybe you've already forgotten And I'm the only one whose talking 'Bout how my brain is rotting over bad memories Yeah, maybe that's what I wanted To fill my mind with torment To have a reason to be haunted as proof that you cared about me That's why I cannot leave the comfort of my home Surrounded by the baggage that I collected, that I own Filling in the holes with stuff others cannot know This place is all I got left when I am left alone Or am I all alone 'cause I never opened the door I slept through my alarms again, I told myself I wouldn't, I swore Now nobody can reach me, I'm locked away like before And yet I still have the audacity to ask for more Yeah, I'm tired of living in fear of you I'm tired of living in fear of you I'm tired of living in fear of you I'm tired of living in fear of you Yeah, I'm tired of living in fear of you I'm tired of living in fear of you I'm tired of living in fear of you I'm tired of... I'm tired of... I'm tired of hitting my head Until my hands are red And the voices finally go quiet The ringing is violent And I might be crying But better than letting my mind have a riot I rather be silent than tell you the truth 'Bout how I wish I could really, really hurt you And while too many people know who really hurt who Would I be happier if I really hurt you too? I'm tired of the monster I've fed All the tears that I've shed Because I can no longer bleed where I should have bled The roses were vibrant Now my bruises are violet And I starve for the time that we never met yet I've tried to sleep it off The urge to kick and scream and break my skull right open Because fixing it won't be enough When I'm scared of the next time I'll be broken Yeah, I'm tired of living in fear of you I'm tired of living in fear of you I'm tired of living in fear of you I'm tired of living in fear of you Yeah, I'm tired of living in fear of you I'm tired of living in fear of you I'm tired of living in fear of you I'm tired of... I'm tired of... I'm tired of wishing I was dead I'm tired of wishing I was dead I'm tired of wishing I was dead To escape the dread of knowing I have to face you Some day, some day [x2]

I'm feeling a little bit messed up inside of my brain But I'm too scared to tell them the details of my pain I got way too many eyes on me full of distain "Your life is perfect, how the fuck are you insane?" Everything hurts me, but all I do is curse me I feel so mentally drained Need my own infirmary but barely had adversity I did not know how to train Silence was a mercy, dodge the controversies There was more for me to gain If I shut the fuck up, they couldn't know my name To spell it with definitions I had to learn on my own Unspoken rules and traditions Scribbled on the bathroom tile stone They raised me on their conditions But they still keep me alone "You have no right to complain You got everything I want and more" If I feel happy, well, I don't deserve it If I feel snappy, well, I don't deserve it If I feel crappy, well, I don't deserve it If I'm feeling anything It doesn't really mean a thing In the back of my head I can hear them say I got no reason to hate me so they hate me anyway In the corner of my eye I see their shadows in the lines They are drawing loops around me, they like to spend all my time The feed is in repetition I hear their moans and groans Their word is for my nutrition But they starved me to my bone They only want my permission To enforce all of their suspicions That I didn't suffer for my ambitions There's no way I knew what they know If I feel happy, well, I don't deserve it If I feel snappy, well, I don't deserve it If I feel crappy, well, I don't deserve it If I'm feeling anything It doesn't really mean a thing But I'm still happy even if I don't deserve it And I get snappy even if I don't deserve it I still feel crappy even if I don't deserve it If I'm feeling anything I don't wanna feel like I'm nothing

I wanna redo all of my time I have spent trying to rewind every time I wasn't right I know if I stay here, I'll be behind But I really wanna rewind what was stolen from my mind Every apology I've pasted I'm sorry for your time, I defaced it To even out your investment, I've wasted Every parallel to erase it Encased it within a casket Every possibility that could've saved it I've basted the failure in the basis That I didn't know how to behave it How many lives of mine did I try to hide Bodies for every "Maybe, he was right" So I killed myself many times inside my mind Seeing myself was a sore sight Guilty for still living my life I can see why he still fights To be sure I've turned off my lights 'Cause I'm afraid of the dark But I got no clues where to start Being left alone in the unknown Not knowing how to fix his heart That he says I've broken apart But I don't think I am that smart Left alone to condone on the phone With a tone that suggests I've missed every mark I wanna redo all of my time I have spent trying to rewind every time I wasn't right I know if I stay here, I'll be behind But I really wanna rewind what was stolen from my mind So, give it back, give it back, give it back Every time I tried to die and was told to pick up the slack Give it back, give it back, give it back Every time I had apologized and left without my life intact Every mistake I make makes me a mistake I fire every me instead of taking a retake Replace me, I'm disposable I'll get a me that's a little more opposable To every need and want, to everything you flaunt Signing contracts in your favour and fancy font You're forgiving when you think I'm not The me who remembers that there's something wrong That me never could survive too long 'Cause they're afraid of the dark They never got clues where to start Being left alone in the unknown Not knowing how to read your heart That you say they've broken apart But I don't think they were that smart And I got to condone on the phone With a tone that suggests I'll still miss the mark I wanna redo all of my time I have spent trying to rewind every time I wasn't right I know if I stay here, I'll be behind But I really wanna rewind what was stolen from my mind All the effort I put in Couldn't save me from my sins Of all the past lives I gave in Just to rewind back to when you could give me one stupid grin Give it back, give it back, give it back All the lives I threw away and was told to pick up the slack Give me back all the time I had spent keeping track All these reasons why I shouldn't exist Please, give it back

I wish I realized this before I chose someone like me to adore A reflection to reflect what I want and more Both the hopes and the bruises, you saw through to my core Saw the way I succeeded, saw the way I soared Saw the way I bleed it, saw me sprawled on the floor Sharing every single moment I kept behind closed doors Without even once making sure you pinky swore To not use me against me, I wasn't too careful Got addicted to the way you made me feel special Made me into a vessel for your inner devil Stole my words for fodder, and you expect me not to be hateful? You gave me something no one else gave Affection and acceptance but only when I behaved Every time I messed up and you took that all away I kept wishing I never wished to be loved in the first place Go ahead, erase me You taught me that I wasn't good enough Go ahead, delete me You taught me that I wasn't wanted Go ahead, negate me You taught me that I wasn't good enough You think that's just a bluff But I already did that stuff Yeah, you have been redacted All of my memories of you I've fucking hacked it Slashed you into n-n-nothing This is my reaction You were once attractive Now I'm not distracted So, you have been redacted And you still wanna defend yourself When you provoked my mental health? Just to get even? You got all the reasons To legitimize why you commit this treason Yeah, I don't have any more trust to give How could I keep up with this relationship? Call it like it is, you never really liked me If only I was still a puppet with no identity For you to mold, and fold, and bend to your will Regardless of my red flags, accept all of you still You showed me respect then you gave me the bill Unless I paid you the interest, I would never get my fill Of feeling like I earned it, alive in oasis Someone who could pull me out of my stasis You promised me kindness, love, patience God, was I stupid to ignore the basics But go ahead, erase me You taught me that I wasn't good enough Go ahead, delete me You taught me that I wasn't wanted For my insecurities and everything I feared Yeah, you used it all against me when you were still here Now disappear Yeah, you have been redacted All of my memories of you I've fucking hacked it Slashed you into n-n-nothing This is my reaction You were once attractive Now I'm not distracted So, you have been redacted I am being cruel, but I haven't got a choice When I go stone cold at the sight of someone who tried to take my voice I am being cruel 'cause I didn't have a choice When I told you that I hate myself, you wanted me to love you more Get redacted All of my memories were nothing so redact it To you, I'm n-n-nothing Call me dramatic I won't be distracted This is my reaction You have been redacted